Survivor: Akatsuki
by musicmovesme
Summary: when a plan goes awry, Itachi, Tobi, Kisame, Deidara, and Zetsu are trapped on a deserted island and what? a portal! mild language, some OOC
1. Day 1 Building & Swimming

_**Disclaimer: No, I don't own them, or anything for that matter…**_

**SURVIVOR: AKATSUKI**

Itachi Tobi Kisame Deidara Zetsu

who will survive?

**DAY 1**

"Stupid leader. The whale thing never works. Now we're stuck here!"

"But Deidara-senpai, wasn't that your idea?"

"-SHH!- Shut up Tobi, yeah. Now what we need to do is find some food."

"Deidara is right. If we are going to live we need food and water."

"Tobi wants cake!"

"Shut up Tobi!"

"Ok. Itachi and I will find food. Zetsu, you go find some water. Deidara, can you build some shelter with your clay?"

"I guess so, but-"

"Do that. And-"

"But I think that's not a good idea, yeah."

"Just do it! And Tobi, do…… something useful."

"Tobi is a good boy."

"Yes, and Tobi will be a good boy, or I'll eat him." Zetsu glared at Tobi.

**A FEW HOURS LATER………**

"We found some bananas!"

"There is a small stream not far from here."

"Wow, Deidara, that's like a house!"

"I'm just about finished. Just a bit more…. And…… Finished, yeah."

Kisame looked up at Deidara's creation, "That looks really-"

**-BOOOOOM-**

"WHAT THE HELL!?!?!" Itachi screamed in utter shock.

"Deidara, what just happened!"

"I tried to tell you…"

"You used exploding clay to build a house!"

"That's all I have, yeah!"

"YOU INCOMPETENT IMBECILE!" Half of Zetsu yelled.

Kisame tried to calm them, "Give him a break, I mean, he is a blonde."

"What are you saying, yeah."

"Just that it's ok if YOU forget something like that."

"That's it, yeah. I'm gonna kill you!"

The others watched and placed bets on the winner. After some time, Deidara managed to get a hold of Kisame and throw him into the water. What happened next stunned them all.

"Help! I can't swim!!"

Itachi collapsed as Deidara pointed and laughed. After the laughing stopped, and Itachi regained consciousness, Tobi fished Kisame out of the water (no pun intended). The four began building (Deidara wasn't allowed to build anymore) as their first day on the island came to a close.


	2. Day 2 Portal Thing?

**DAY 2**

"This sucks, none of us can build and we had to sleep in a cave last night, yeah!"

"Shut up, Deidara, we all know that…"

"But they don't, yeah."

"We don't care about the readers, that's why we're evil…"

As Deidara and Itachi fought, Kisame expressed some concerns with Zetsu.

"Hey Zetsu."

"What is it Kisame?"

"Were you serious about eating Tobi?"

"Would you rather I eat you instead?"

"No no no! I was just wondering."

"Yes, I was serious. Where is Tobi anyways?"

**SOMEWHERE ELSE ON THE ISLAND**

"Tobi? Tobi doesn't know where Tobi is…"

Tobi continued on his way and came upon a large hole.

"Oooooh. Tobi likes shiny things!"

**BACK AT "CAMP"**

"Tooooooobiiiiiiiiiii!"

"Where are you!"

"I say we just let him wander… No we can't do that, Tobi is a good boy."

"Hi guys!" Tobi said, poking his head out of the hole.

"Tobi? What are you doing down there?"

"Tobi likes shiny things!"

The same thought entered their minds. _Gold! _The four bolted into the hole with Tobi. They continued down a long tunnel until they saw a strange purple glow.

"What the hell is that?"


	3. Tobi Likes Twinkies

additional disclaimer: I do not own Play-doh or Twinkies, mmmm…. Twinkies

**DAY 3**

"What the hell?"

"Hey, Itachi, what do you think it is?"

"It seems to be some kind of portal… interesting…"

"OOOOOH! Tobi wants to go in!"

"Shut up Tobi, yeah." smack

"But Tobi likes shiny things…"

As the others discussed what the strange glowing disk really was, Tobi eyed the object with a look of mischief on his face.

"Well I think it's some curse left here to kill us."

"Tobi likes Twinkies! Hey, where's the cream filling? AAAAAAAH!"

"Tobi?"

"That's Tobi's voice, but where is Tobi?"

"I'm in HELL!! **CREAMLESS TWINKIES**, NOOOOOOOO!"

"Tobi, what did you do? yeah."

"I went in the thingy, and then NOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

"Can I eat him when he gets out?"

"Sadly, no."

"Itachi, why?"

"Because the author isn't a sadist…"

"Damn…"

"I'd better go get him out, yeah."

Deidara entered the portal and stood in awe of what stood before him.

"It's a world of… of… Play-doh!"

"What?"

"It's perfect!"

Meanwhile, Tobi appeared next to the portal, covered in sponge cake.

"It was horrible! There were mountains of Twinkies, but no cream! IT WAS HELL!"

"Tobi! You went 2 whole sentences without saying your name! Oh God! We have to get

Deidara out of there!"

"AAAAH!"

**TO BE CONTINUED**

**duh…**


	4. Tobi Poll

STILL DAY 3

**STILL DAY 3**

A wonderland of squishy, copyrighted clay stretched out for an eternity, and, in the middle of it all, is Deidara.

"It's beautiful…"

"Deidara! Are you in there?"

"Zetsu? Go away! You're ruining heaven for me."

"Should we leave him?" Zetsu said to Kisame.

"Yes, leave me to my… art?"

"What's happening?"

"I'm… grr… sinking…"

"Itachi, he was asking for it."

"Deidara-sempai! I'll save you!"

"NO!! BAD TOBI!! Send Kisame or Zetsu! PLEASE!!"

"Awww…"

"You go, Kisame."

"Why should I?"

"Because green beats blue…"

"What?"

"YAY, INDECISION!"

"Shut up, Tobi…"

"VOTING TIME!!"

"Tobi, where did you get those ballots?"

"Tobi keeps them for emergencies!"

OK! After a waaaaaaaay overextended hiatus, I'm back! As a treat I have **2 storylines** ready for my next chapter. I need those of you who don't hate me to vote in the

**TOBI POLL!**

**Who should we send after Deidara?**

**VOTE**

**Zetsu**

**or **

**Kisame**


	5. Results and Sushi

YEP, STILL DAY #3

**YEP, STILL DAY #3**

"Polls are closed! Now Tobi will count the votes! One for Zetsu, one for Kisame, another for Kisame, AND ONE FOR TOBI!! KISAME WINS!!"

"What the hell, Tobi!? You weren't even on the ballot!"

"I guess you have to go, Kisame…"

"Shut up, Zetsu…"

"Tobi is a good boy!"

"Tobi, I'm gonna rip you to shreds!"

"Quiet! All of you! Kisame! You're going into that… uh… door!"

"But, Itachi… I don't want to! Zetsu cheated!"

"Do you want me to tell everyone about the incident at the aquarium?"

"Fine, I'll go."

As Kisame stepped into the glowing disk, Deidara fell through the ceiling.

"Deidara-sempai! You're alive!"

Tobi began to ramble on about being worried and scared and every possible synonym for the word fearful. Meanwhile, Kisame set foot in an oversized room. There were wanted notices for many of the Akatsuki, including himself. At that moment, he saw something. A leaf village symbol painted on the wall.

"Kisame, where are you?"

"I think I'm in Konoha…"

The room had red walls with yellow lanterns hanging from the ceiling over a large, glass-covered countertop. Kisame walked towards it cautiously, there could be leaf shinobi anywhere… Had this all been some sort of trap to catch the five of them?

"This can't be good…"

"What is it?"

The room had started growing… a lot…

Kisame managed to climb onto a chair and eventually made his way onto the glass cover.

"Crap…"

"Kisame?"

"I know where I am…"

"Well… where are you?"

"A Konoha sushi shop…"


	6. Pretzel Anyone?

LATE DAY #3

**LATE DAY #3**

"A sushi shop?"

"Yeah, you know…f…f…f…fish…"

"We have to figure out how to get you out of there without getting someone else stuck in there…"

BARF

"Kisame? Are you ok?"

COUGH "Yes, Tobi, I'm just taking inventory of my breakfast…"

"Kisame's ok!"

"Tobi, when I get back I'm gonna rip you to shreds…"

"Itachi, I have an idea."

"Yes, Zetsu."

"What if we all went in at once?"

'"Hnnn… it could work."

"Or we would all get stuck…"

"Kisame said it leads to Konoha now; we could get off this miserable island!"

"And get into the hands of the ANBU…"

"Don't you think Kisame would have noticed ANBU?"

"What if they already have him and are waiting with a trap on the other side?"

Itachi, Tobi, and Deidara watched with astonished looks as Zetsu argued with himself.

"Tobi brought popcorn and pretzels!"

"Tobi, where the heck did you get those, yeah?"

"Tobi was saving them!"


	7. Through the Doorway

FINALLY DAY 4

**FINALLY DAY 4**

YAWN

"And there's always the possibility of poison gas…"

"How long has he been at it?" said Deidara in monotone.

"8 hours. Tobi bet on Zetsu to win!"

"That's it…"

Itachi grabbed Zetsu's Akatsuki cloak at the collar and proceeded to make his way toward the portal.

"When I say '3' we all jump in."

"Right!"

"1……2……….."

"3!!" Tobi yelled as he pushed the group through the glowing doorway.

"Damn it Tobi!"

"Deidara, pipe down. Like Zetsu said to himself, there could be ANBU anywhere."

"Hmph. Fine."

"First of all, Zetsu,"

"What?"

"We need you to find Kisame."

"Deidara, scout the area around this place."

"What about Tobi, Itachi?"

"Tobi, you have the most important mission of all……"


	8. Kisame Found

"OOOH! What does Tobi do?"

"Nothing…"

Tobi gave Itachi a look of utter bewilderment.

"Tobi? Do nothing?" Deidara was stunned. "Tell him that and we'll all get killed! Or worse!"

Itachi glared at Deidara then looked at Tobi the way others look at a puppy after it pees on the carpet.

"Tobi doesn't mean to hurt anyone, right, Tobi?"

"Tobi is a good boy!"

"Good Tobi! Now sit!"

Tobi sat.

"Now what Itachi?"

"Just sit."

"OK!"

Zetsu began to search. He found the sushi counter Kisame mentioned, but there was no sign of their gilled comrade.

"Kisame! Where the hell are you?"

"Maybe the ANBU did get him?" Zetsu said to his other half.

"I'm down here!!!"

"Did you hear something?"

"No…"

"Look at the counter closer you green, schizophrenic fool!"

"I think it said to look at the counter…"

"Hey look! An anchovy!"

"I AM NOT AN ANCHOVY!!!"

"Kisame!?"

"No, its Flipper! OF COURSE I'M KISAME! What kind of weird jutsu turned you into a giant tree?"

"I was about to ask what made you into a baby sardine…"

"I AM NOT A BAIT FISH!!!"

"Well… I guess I should take you back to camp. Tobi's always wanted a goldfish…"

Kisame began spouting profanities like a miniature blue whale wou–

"NO MORE CRAPPY FISH JOKES!"

Fine. Kisame was very unhappy.


End file.
